A friendship gone sour

Ik aadat si ho gayi thi. Wishing each other a good day and enquiring about each others’ meals to discussing weekend plans and arguing late into the nights. We had arrived at this level of camaraderie after much trial and error, heartburn and trauma (his word). Long bouts of silences punctuated with colorful language were also very characteristic of us. Silence was his weapon, words were mine.  Some days we switched places.

But for all that time spent together, the goodbye was a big letdown. It came sooner than I expected but was more overwhelming than I thought it would be. It was almost as if someone had ripped my heart out. No, I wasn’t head over heels in love with him. It was a wonderful friendship, one that I wasn’t prepared to lose. But he sought more. More than what I was prepared to give to our relationship. I was content. He saw it as a means to an end.

It wasn’t as painful disassociating myself from him as it was moving on. It didn’t hurt that he left. It hurts that he left surreptitiously.

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16 comments

  1. sandeip

    No one leaves surreptiously (did I spell that right?)

    People just leave; fictional or real. No one leaves without a sound; they think they might, even the ones who do not matter a thing. Those who matter a great deal, and leave silently, they are the ones who leave you wishing you could change the weather, change a sunny day into a day full of dark thunderheads and lightening-storms and crazy winds which blow all the dust of the world into your eyes, and no rain. So that it will not be washed away too soon.

    But they do go away. And there is nothing to do. Just mope.

  2. Sohini

    Love is bad. Very bad. It has killed friendship between so many people and given birth to discomfort. And then you mourn for a lost friend and sometimes for lost love as well…

  3. Aswin.C

    Really nice piece of writing ………. Quite successful in putting the emotion into the readers heart. Good work, keep it up.

  4. Hansveer

    Once again, a beautiful bit of writing… You should really write a book… You have a real knack of drawing the reader into your world, and that is beautiful…

    As far as the content… Everything in life is mutable… People, things, feelings, perceptions, expectations, etc… All that matters is how you deal with that change… 🙂 good luck with dealing with yours…

  5. a traveller

    I love how you start this post – “ik aadat si ho gayi thi”. That’s how some relationships become, no? A habit.

    And then sometimes they go away, and you’re left with this… empty space that you don’t know what to do with.

  6. P

    Hmmm. Well, sure, people leave, and a void is left behind. Time fills that void.

    But it is not so much that there’s a void that needs to be filled. It is more that you don’t WANT to fill that void. That void reminds you of things you had, the beauty of what you shared. Filling that void means acknowledging it isn’t there any more. It means letting go of something that gave you pleasure. And the pain of that acknowledgement is sometimes way more unbearable than that pain of the void.

    And so, at the end of the day, your fight is not the fight to fill the void. Your fight is to hold on to it, it is to keep fighting to keep that void as a reminder of the beautiful, until you either give up, and watch with a mixture of pain, and resignation as the detrius of life fills the void…. or something more beautiful comes along to fill the void, and makes it easy to bear the pain of acknowledgement.

    But, well, life… it will go on.

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