Weighed down…

I’m in that phase of my life when family conversations are liberally sprinkled with references and not-subtle hints to my parents to marry me off soon. Relatives conjecture that the only reason I make it to work every morning is because I fancy someone at work. I visit the Haji Ali dargah coz maybe I’m seeing a Muslim guy. And the recent purple paint on my toe-nails is a result of his suggestion. Clearly, I don’t have a mind of my own. A non-existent “he” directs my movements and I comply obediently.

I lament over insufficient handbags and closet space when they’d rather I crib about jewelry and sarees. It’s always about some cousin younger than me getting hitched and why can’t I give them that same joy and happiness. Why can’t I be content with the mundane and accept that a woman’s place is at home! Least of all in front of a computer screen agonizing over the choice of a few words and some punctuation!

Yes, I get annoyed and extremely frustrated. Verbal diarrhea soon takes over. But a friend advised me, “Don’t show them that their trashy talk is getting to you. Just smile to yourself because they know not what they do.” I practice it when I do remember it. And it does wonders for my mood. But their words remain with me.

These words remind me that I indeed have little time left as a single, unmarried woman and that within a few months, maybe a few years, I’ll return home not to my parents but to a significant other. That thought overwhelms me. It serves as a reminder of how fleeting life is.

It’s difficult to picture how my parents will go to sleep each night with an empty room next door where I once cried myself to sleep. Who will rush to greet my father at the door on a weekend with excitement-laden eyes to tell him how my day transpired? Will the mother miss putting the chair in place each time she cleans the dining table after a meal? Will the parents stop by my room each morning forgetting I no more live with them? Such questions often keep me up at night.

Every birthday, anniversary and festival for the last few years has been accompanied by one thought, “Will I still be living at home this time next year or will this be my last birthday/anniversary/festival celebration at home?” I sometimes use it as an emotional ploy to get my way. But mostly I’m weighed down by it.

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12 comments

  1. Sudesna Ghosh

    I am SO glad that my relatives have given up on trying to end my singlehood! My parents have somehow realised that I’m not the ‘marriage type’. Lots of single by choice women around me too so I’m glad marriage isn’t a necessity and more of a choice these days.

  2. antiglam superstar!

    I know this is a serious post but the “Haji Ali – Muslim boy – Purple nail paint” part just reminded me of a friend’s mother who decides whether she is romantically involved with someone based on a peculiar test. Which is – “If a girl sleeps with her arm covering her face, it means she is dreaming of her lover!” I fell of my chair laughing when I first heard this logic.

  3. Dalia

    Like Sudeshna,my girl has no such pressures on her.Want her to soar higher n higher n live her dreams but yes,hopefully meets a soul mate somewhere,sometime………….not necessarily in a marriage.

  4. Aswin.C

    I read it last night. Sorry to say,didnt enjoy this one much as compared to the previous one “Frnd’ship gone sour”. Frankly, I felt this topic and issue a bit naive and immaturish.

  5. Winnie the poohi

    Ah story of every marriageable single woman. I think most women are jealous that they are not single anymore or something 😀

    My grandmom says she wants to see us married so that she could die in peace. I tell her.. thats exactly why I am not getting married. i want her to be around for a long time :p but yeah.. the blackmail gets to me and gets me down sometimes.. and i retaliate by not meeting them for a long time 😛

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